Stay at Aum Mom: Why Jump Out of A Perfectly Good Airplane?

I'm not the most adventuresome soul, come right down to it. Big Daddy T disagrees with me on this, and loves to point out that I am only on the East Coast because a decade ago I took a flight from California into the great unknown. He doesn't believe me when I tell him that was not brave, it was self-preservation. The only way for me to find my way in the world was to start my adult life far away from everything familiar. It was the only way I could learn to break out of old habits and roles and figure out who I am.

It took years (and a good bit of therapy) to figure out there are words to describe some of the things I struggle with. Depression. Social Anxiety. Attention Deficit Disorder. These things don't define who I am, they're just descriptors of some of my personality quirks.

As part of this ongoing Year Without Fear adventure, tonight I am breaking out of my comfort zone once again. Other than attending BlogHer in 2008 (which was exponentially less scary than it could have been, thanks to Kelly's sheltering wing) I have never gone out all on my own to meet up with Internet People -- unlike my husband, who still has friends he made on a BBS circa 1994, when most of us still had no idea what, exactly, this whole "internet" business was all about. (DC Tavern, Hollah!)

So tonight, I'm heading to my first official tweetup. I'm driving into Baltimore all by my little lonesome to meet up with some fabulous ladies and do some booty-shakin'. (That sudden lightheadedness you feel? That is my anxiety-ridden-mother's gasp of horror, sucking all the oxygen out of the atmosphere.)

Right now I'm busy squelching an anxiety attack of my own, but for a totally different reason. What if they don't like me? What if I'm my giddy, awkward, nerdy self and they don't get me?! What if I drive all the way to Baltimore and I chicken out and can't go in? What if, what if, what if...

So, yeah. There's that. I'm hoping to have it under control before I need to leave because, ya know, probably not a great idea to drive while hyperventilating. And yes, I do know how ridiculous this is.

I'm bringing the camera, and I shall return and report. You'll notice I'm not worried about ME liking THEM. (In fact, I'm more worried about coming off as a weird fangirl, since Sweetney is one of my most favoritest bloggers and is it inappropriate to lick someone you've only met once before who probably doesn't remember you anyway and oh my lawdy can I make this sentence go on any longer - I bet I can!)

While you are waiting - breathless, no doubt - for the follow-up report on this excursion, allow me to leave you with CUTE BABY to distract yourself. You're welcome.