We could talk about how Jack fell asleep this afternoon and took his first nap in about 4 years.
We could talk about how Jack woke up from his nap in order to vomit copiously.
We could talk about the lovely surprise baby shower the neighborhood gals threw for me this afternoon, wherein I was showered with kindness and presents galore. Milo finally has some BRAND! NEW! STUFF! Because, this being my third pregnancy, the sum total of what I had procured for him consisted of a couple of onesies from the local consignment shop. No more! He now has a plethora of items that will be his and only his. One of these items is a flannel set of bib, burp cloth, and satin-edged blanket lovingly hand-crafted by my friend's 85-year-old Grandmother - whom I have never met. My own Gram passed away last Thanksgiving weekend, and my other Grandma just moved into a care center at the age of 90. There aren't great-grandmas around to make blankies for Milo, and so he gets to be the lucky beneficiary of a woman with enough love to spare for a third little baby boy. So, yeah, that's the point at which I nearly cried.
We could talk about how I finally broke down and got the Twilight series, and swore never to admit it... and how I got so wrapped up in the vampire world Stephanie Meyer created that I read the whole series in a week. Twice.
But no. Instead? Instead let's talk about how I finally screwed my courage (or stubbornness, depending on your perspective) to the sticking place and determined to shave my legs after six weeks pregnant neglect. Let's talk about how I squeezed myself into a warm bath and determinedly wielded my pink Lady Bic until my wookie-like gams were finally smooth.
Then we can talk about how I used my foot to open the drain and let the water out, then reached back to lift myself up and discovered several inches of standing water remaining in the tub behind me. Because? Because my ginormous ass had made a watertight seal with the bath tub.
We can talk about how this discovery was quickly followed by the realization that I was firmly wedged into the tub. I was completely and undeniably stuck.
And so I pondered my predicament for a few moments, then sighed and turned on the hot shower. I sat like that, wedged into the tiny tub with the hot water running over me, for a few minutes before Big Daddy wandered into the bathroom after mowing the lawn.
"Are you okay?" he wondered.
"Yeah... not so much. I'm stuck."
"Were you planning to call for help?"
"Definitely No."
"Can I help you get up?"
"I think you're going to have to."
On second thought... let's not talk about that either.
Let's talk about you. How are you doing?
7 comments:
You poor thing...but you and your ginormous ass are cracking me up.
And how awesome to have a surprise baby shower! Fun stuff!
Now that you're stocked up on baby stuff, let's get that kid out here, okay? We've got dinner plans.
You are too funny! I have started the Twilight series too. I am a little over half way done with the first. I hope Jack is feeling better.
I refuse to read the Twilight series. Mind you, I refused to read the Harry Potter books, too. I broke down after the release of book four, when grown-ups whose opinions I trusted told me I should read them. So I did. Twice. In a week. (Sound familiar?)
But I'm really writing to say that I went to Volterra just a couple of weeks ago. Twice! It's probably even more awesome than the book makes it sound. I even had the good fortune of attending Volterra A.D. 1398 (look it up and then tell me you don't plan to go sometime), which is like Renn Fest, only WAY better, because it takes place within actual medieval walls. And you buy stuff with reproduction money of the time, too! It's neet.
Congrats to you on the shaving of the legs, and I hereby apologize for laughing at the watertight seal part.
You read twilight--the whole series--and liked it enough to read it again? My heart just broke a little.
I am oddly comforted by the Twilight-twice-in-a-week reading and the ginormous ass. I happen to have experienced both.
You are a hoot. I hope that boy comes soon.
You cracked me up so badly, my kids just came into the room to see what I was laughing about. I plowed through the Twilight series a couple weeks ago, myself... maybe it's time for another round.
Oh MeL, I love you so very much. You just made me wish I'd been better about my Kegels these past few weeks though, thanks. I laughed so hard that I cried and may or may not have wet my pants. I'm sending labor vibes in your direction and I hope they help. Goodness knows I'll need them 14 weeks from now when I'm in your place. I CAN'T WAIT to see your little guy! I want to see who he looks like and hear all about your birth experience and everything! Squeeeee!!
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