When Milo was born, we told ourselves "probably". Probably this would be our last baby. 3 babies, 3 baby boys, and a whole lotta hell ravaged on my poor body. 2 battles with PPD that were powerful enough to leave us gasping for air and paddling with battle-weary arms for an ever disappearing shoreline.
"We'll give ourselves a year to think it over. We won't make any decisions until he's a year old."
And that seemed like such a nice, safe, vague time in the future. We knew it wasn't really vague -- no, it was exactly 365 days. But we thought maybe by then we'd be able to untangle the web of emotions around it.
The long and the short of it is, I'd be happy with another baby of any gender.... but. But. We'd really like to have a girl. Each for different reasons; Trip would have to enumerate his own, though I suspect they would mostly have to do with me.
And me? My relationships with other women have always been complicated. When I picture a daughter of mine, I picture a girl like me.. but better. One who would share my passion for books and art and cooking but not my addiction to junk food. A daughter who - with a girl child's empathy - would come home at the end of her school day and see that Mommy's had a bad day, and climb in my lap for a snuggle.
My boys are snugglers, too, mind you. But they snuggle to make themselves feel better. I'm okay with that; I know it's my job to make them feel safe and loved when they are scared or upset. I LOVE that part of the job.
But some days, I have to admit, I daydream about a daughter. A little bookworm with red ringlets and big brown eyes who would grow up to be more than a daughter... who would grow up to be a friend.
Milo celebrated his first birthday last week. We've made no decisions -- there are no announcements here. Just me thinking out loud and probably sharing too much.
Also, I'm totally PMS'ing so.. you know. Take it all with a grain of salt and please pass the chocolate.
3 comments:
We're in the same boat. Luckily I was able to make a girl on the second try, but we were considering having three. Chocolate passed.
Mormon.
:P
I think it's totally legitimate to want a girl...and to know that rolling the 50/50 ovary/sperm dice 4 times in a row (or 5. or 10.) is no guarantee.
I have anecdotes. Like everybody else. I think the BIG incentive one way or another would be to imagine that cute little snuggly, gooey 4th child and then imagining it peeing all over you with its cute little penis.
I totally get it, woman. I'm right there with you. My motivations also match yours exactly. I'll only half-jokingly send you this link:
http://www.genselect.com/
I know one of the owners of the company. He's a good guy. A little nuts, but scary smart. (heh)
LOoOoO00Ove!
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