Several weeks or months ago, I started talking about my diagnosis of Depression/PPD and generalized anxiety. My subsequent treatment has included a daily dose of Zoloft and bi-monthly counseling. My therapist, we'll call her "D", is the kind of woman you wish could be your third Grandmother. The kind who is instantly kind and generous of spirit, puts you immediately at ease, and who doesn't judge when you sometimes say things like "I swear to God, one of these days I'm going to sell that kid on eBay." Because sometimes? Moms need to say those things, even though .42 milliseconds later we realize we don't really mean it.
At my most recent session I happened to mention, quite casually, that my mother informed me that one of my sisters is being treated for PPD and another sister for Adult ADD. D asked me if I had considered whether or not I might have ADD. I was dumbstruck for a moment. My only experience has been with ADHD in my 13-year-old niece, who has a host of other complicating factors - not the least of which has been the Hyperactivity. D recommended this book, which I picked up on my way home from the session.
As I got home and started thumbing through the pages, I was riveted. Then I started looking for the hidden cameras because THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN ABOUT ME. I read a few more pages every chance I could get and felt the lightbulbs going on over my head constantly. My entire life, in a bizarre but very real way, suddenly started making sense. My childhood, my struggles in school in spite of scoring high on intelligence testing, my difficulties in studying and paying attention in class, the drifting off in the middle of conversations... even, to some degree, the depression and anxiety.
T was highly skeptical; he's never been a big believer in ADD and wasn't convinced it really existed until the experiences with our niece. Every so often, I would hand him a page with a description or a check list to read. By the end of the weekend he was seeing things a bit differently. We both agreed I should follow up with D.
I debated whether or not to blog about this at all. I've never put a lot of faith into ADD. I was brought up with the philosophy that a little hard work and determination (and prayer) could overcome almost anything- that a person should heft themselves up by the boot straps, just "buck up", "buckle down", and get over it.
You know - basically all the same arguments that kept me from seeking treatment for depression until I was perpetually in my pajamas, huddling in the Lay-Z-Boy, going days without showering and bursting into hysterical sobbing whenever one of the kids cried.
And so, I embark on a new journey of discovery. The next step is a consultation with a Psychiatrist for a clinical evaluation to see if I do, indeed, meet the technical description for Adult ADD.
At this point? It's a strong possibility.
1 comment:
I was diagnosed with ADD about two years ago. My story is so much like yours. I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Did you know that Anxiety and/or Depression often accompany ADD?
I knew there was something wrong with my brain and it had plagued me my whole life. I had no idea what it could be, though, until I read an article about adults with it in a magazine. Like you, I felt my someone wrote my life down in that article and put other people's names on it.
The difference between you and me is that my family went hysterical when I told them I was seeing a psychologist who was testing me for it. I scored really high. I have it bad. No surprise to me.
And now that my parents understand what it is more, they realize how obvious it is that I have it when for example, in conversation while driving, I become really animated and start missing turns and causing close-encounters with other cars.
My husband was not too into the ADD concept either until he learned what some of the benefits are to having it. There are positive aspects. And now sometimes he says he may have it too!
For me, the anxiety is my curse. I only get mild depression after a severe stint of anxiety. It's like it exhausts and overwhelms me.
Anyway, I have not yet blogged about it. I expect to some time.
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