Drug Precautions Translated

Azithromycin may cause:

• upset stomach
• diarrhea
• vomiting
• stomach pain
• mild skin rash

Translation: You will throw up. A lot. And it probably would have been better for you to skip the pulled pork with extra spicy barbecue for dinner, even though you thought all that red pepper would open up your sinuses. And you should definitely have stopped for extra TP on the way home.

Advair may cause:

• headache, dizziness;

• nausea, vomiting, diarrhea;

• dryness in your mouth, nose, or throat;

• stuffy nose, sinus pain, cough, sore throat; or

• hoarseness or deepened voice.

Translation: You will still throw up (see above). The next day, you will be dizzy but very glad you opted to have only toast for breakfast. Your nose will suddenly start to run, even though that was the one symptom you had managed to avoid up to now. You will get even more dizzy later. But you will sound like Kathleen Turner from her "Romancing the Stone" days and find the sound of your own voice strangely hypnotic. Then you will realize you are likely high on all the meds and decide to lay down, drink lots of water, and catch up on Ugly Betty. But not before you blog about it through the fog of your infectious, medicated stupor.