Tom Waits for No Man...

This afternoon Jack and I sat at the kitchen table, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and sharing a banana. It's one of those dreary, rainy January days, and we turned together to watch the fat raindrops landing in puddles on the deck outside. I sipped at a cup of coffee (a spiced blend which, when combined with french vanilla creamer, becomes a dangerously addictive substance. *insert contemplative sigh here*) and realized that Tom Waits was still in the CD player.

For anyone who doesn't already know, Innocent When You Dream is a Tom Waits reference.
It feels so vulgar to type that out loud. If you didn't already know that, you should be taken out back and flogged vigorously with a wet noodle.

It was an odd moment - so perfect in its wistfulness, so beautifully dreary. The sound of the rain echoing off of the gravelly sound of Tom's wail.

It was then that I realized, half way through my PB&J, that I really wasn't hungry anymore. I think the frozen moment had put me in a strange mood, and I sat there realizing that I was going to leave food unfinished on my plate. The last time I can vividly remember doing this was when I was maybe 6 or 7 years old. I was a picky eater back then - and by picky, I mean I would literally pick at my plate for a half hour or so and then call it quits. Anyway, I had food on my plate in front of me, and I had no appetite... So I sat at the table until bedtime, because I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I had eaten. I wonder if that marked the beginning of my issues with food - which has become a lifelong obsession. Looking at it objectively, there's nothing at all wrong with not finishing every bite on your plate -- in fact, it seems obvious that when a person is full, said person should STOP eating. Amazing how the obvious can get so lost in the shuffle of obsessive-compulsive behaviors.

So, I stopped eating. I threw away half a PB&J sandwich (I can hear my mother thinking, at this very moment, "Sacrelige! Wasted Food!") And you know what? I feel fantastic. I may have just turned a corner in this battle with my butt. I wonder if it's appropriate to send Tom Waits a thank you card...