Flushing Money Down The Internets

As we all, by now, are aware... the internet is a series of tubes.

Sometimes, when you spend money on the internets, you sign up for recurring subscriptions to fileservers and game services and then forget that you signed up for said services. In which case (*pointedly NOT looking at Big Daddy, of course*) it becomes, quite literally, an exercise in flushing money down the tubes of the internets.

Approximately 7 years ago, Big Daddy T signed up for such a service - which he promptly forgot all about. Every few months I would point to the electronic debit from the billing company on our checking statement and say "what's this? 9 dollars? Can we cancel this?" "Oh - Yeah. Forgot about that". Lather, rinse, repeat in about 3 months.

SO, 7 years, $750+ dollars later (at 9 dollars a month) I finally got hold of the billing company. (Not literally holding, just on the phone, though actually holding - preferably by the throat - would have been quite lovely.)

A man with an incredibly thick Indian accent picked up the line. "Hello! [Evil Billing In Perpetuity] Company. This is Alan, how may I assist you today?"

"Hello, Alan. We have this bill. It comes out of my checking account every month, and I want to cancel it."

Alan gets some information, looks it up in (presumably) his computer and says "Oh! It says that for questions on this account I should refer you to this number. XXX-XXX-XXXX".

"Okay. Who is that, exactly?"

"That's the company you have the recurring contract with."

"Uh. Okay.. then who are you?"

"We are just the billing company - we just collect payments for them."

Okay. I should have figured this. I say thanks, google the number he gave me, find that it is - indeed - the company I thought it was. I start calling - only to realize they are located in L.A., and of course it's 6:30 in the morning there.

Finally, I log into the website (which has no clear, easy cancellation buttons) before realizing that it's the BILLING company website. Log on to the actual website, cancel subscription, pat what remains of my hair into place. I choose to ignore the piles of hair on the floor - those which I yanked out by the roots while painfully navigating 2 hours of my life I will never, ever get back.

2 hours of my life, $750 of our cash, and plenty of hair.

Do you know what I could buy with $750???

The time and the money are, admittedly, a loss. The hair, however, I am busily weaving into a hair shirt of torture - to be employed in the case that the man ever again signs up for anything on the internets which involves automatically recurring payments.