Twisting On The Vine

Have you ever watched one of those time-lapse videos of a vine growing up a post? It spins , going round and round the pole, reaching a little further each time, until it finally finds the next support structure to grab hold of.

I feel like that's where we're at right now. We're in the go-round stage.

Big Daddy T returned from his last 2 week trip to assess the house and worry that I was getting depressed again. The house was a bit cluttered, admittedly, but after having 2 uninterrupted weeks of parenting (half of which time was also spent entertaining at teenage girl) I figured I was entitled to be a little bit behind on the housework.

In fact, I can't remember the last time I had a truly "down" day. I have a few down minutes here and there, but over all things are overwhelmingly positive.

I think what he is picking up on has more to do with the spinning. This sense of impending change, a sort of building tension, making me antsy and nervous. I have spent the last month slowly cleaning out closets and organizing boxes of unidentified junk for donation. Slowly clearing out enough space to get my office set up downstairs for when I start my new job.

Did I mention that I'm likely going to be working from home soon? Yeah. Part-time. It's been shaking out for weeks now, and I'm still not sure exactly when it will start or how it will shape up. All part of the going round and round, and not actually getting anywhere.

I feel like I'm sitting in a race car, idling at the starting line. The engine is revving, the turbo is wound, and I'm just waiting for the little man to drop the flag so I can slip it into gear and actually... you know... go somewhere.

In the mean time, I'm making meaningless plans and putting one foot in front of the other. Spin, spin, spin. Practice my violin, make shopping lists, count calendar days. Lay awake in my bed, next to the window. Listen to the rumble of thunder and the drumming of the rain covering the silence out there in the muggy shadows of night. Wake up to the soft gray light of misty morning, and wonder if the sun will come back in time to enjoy one last golden day of summer at the swimming pool. Looking for one last chance to get seared in the sunshine, to make the cooling balm of fall that much more soothing when the leaves begin to rust and the pumpkins fatten on the vine.

But, for now, the vine is twisting - round and round and round.