And Then I Exploded and Died, The End.

I just ate about half a pound of beer-simmered sauerkraut.

I feel no shame on this account.

If I still needed proof of the pregnancy, this would about cover it.

Also, I apologize in advance to my fellow inhabitants of the Potomac Region for the blast of unholy wind that will doubtless make its way to the coast later this evening. Because sauerkraut + pregnant digestion = gas that would shame even my dog, and he was born without the necessary higher brain functions to feel actual shame. But trust me... if this was HIS gas, he would be ashamed.

But, for the record? OHMYGOODNESS how I do love me some sauerkraut.

Even if it means I might actually explode outwards from the inner pressure, thus ending a short but beautiful existence in a rare example of Death By Flatulence.

The End. (And you're welcome.)