In Absentia...

I had a big 'ole "ME TOO!" moment while reading Attack of the Redneck Mommy yesterday.

I miss my boo.

I even miss his beard. He grows a beard every year over Christmas vacation - mostly because it allows him to be lazy and get through the "unshaven hobo" period before returning to the office with a full beard come January 2. (Really. The man grows facial hair faster than my garden sprouts weeds.) This year, however, he started early. Like, in September.

It's pure stubborn petulance, really. The Czechs (who happen to also be in the Czech Republic office, and therefore out of proper ranting distance) have delayed for weeks in getting him some of the code he needs to sort out some software issues. So? He made a vow not to shave again until they pony up with the info. Which is about as useful as a screen door on a submarine, but hey. Better he vent passive-aggressively than kick holes in the walls. (Which he did as a teenager. Usually because of a video game. But I digress.)

The beard can't be comfortable in hot, hot Singapore. Where he is probably celebrating Halloween by partaking in a ghoulish helping of drunken prawns again.

In his absence, however, he has escaped our annual tradition -- namely wherein I force him to dress up for Halloween in whatever costume I have come up with and/or purchased at the last second from the clearance section.

This simply will not do.

I mean, it's bad enough that I will have to depend solely on my own willpower in order to resist diving headlong into the Halloween candy and smearing my entire body with chocolate. (Which really isn't a kinky sort of thing in our house, as T isn't a big fan of chocolate.) (I know! But that's a rant for another day.)

But now I am deprived of the pleasure of ever-so-lovingly making his life miserable for my own warped enjoyment. It's a travesty, that's what.

So, in his absence (which conveniently places him half a world away -- safely out of range) I present - for your viewing pleasure - a reminder of Big Daddy T's Halloween, circa 2004.

Wellathankya. Thankyaveraymush.

When he finally gets his code from those Czechs and the beard is summarily removed? I am SOOO insisting that the lamb chop sideburns make a reappearance. It might be just me (and the extended lack of husband and extraordinarily empty bed) but I find those bad boys seriously sexy.

Those sideburns = Yeah Baby.

Happy Halloween!

Go Fish.

Fish Face.

Fishing for a kiss.

Last night's dinner: Fish Sticks.
Not really sure what part of the fish that used to be... (ahem.)
(But it tasted fine with Darnit Tartar Sauce.)

Fishing for a smile.

I like big "But"s

But! I neglected to mention? I have been writing.

It's just an outline right now, really, and likely it's crap... Something about Suicides and what happens to the people left behind to pick up the pieces. And? It's sort of a comedy. I know, screams hilarity, right?!

But I'm writing. And someday I might actually submit a manuscript somewhere.

Shortly to be followed, of course, by my first official rejection letter from a publisher.

So much to look forward to....

Retracing Steps

So the last week or so has been... odd.

T had to leave first thing Monday morning and head up to New York for a couple of days. He arrived at his hotel and called me, grumpily, to inform me that it was a full 30 minutes from everywhere he needed to be. Corporate scheduling mishap, apparently.

A few grumpy days later, he called to tell me that he would be delayed on Wednesday, and would arrive around bedtime instead of mid-afternoon as originally planned. He finally made it home, and we got a fitful night of sleep. Thursday morning, he found out he had to go back to Singapore. He needed to be on the ground first thing Monday morning to wrap up the work there. That conversation followed something like this...

"So you have to leave on Sunday, right?"
"Uh. You're forgetting the 12 hour time change."
"Oh. So... you'll be leaving on Saturday?"
"10am flight"
"For how long?"
"2 weeks."
"Crap."
"Indeed."

SO! We deposited him at Dulles bright and early, and then my head exploded.

Actually, we're doing quite well, considering. The boys are finally mostly over the cold we all get every year at this time. I managed to sweep and mop the kitchen floor, wash the dishes, run 2 loads of laundry, clean out the fridge, and do the grocery shopping. All in one weekend. (It may not sound that impressive, but - trust me - it was. Intensely.)

Of course, I also managed to forget to transfer the direct deposit for T's previous business travel expenses over to his AmEx card. Which was, like, awesome for him when he got to his layover in Tokyo and realized that 1) his card had been frozen and 2) The airport there blocks all outgoing cellular calls. He assures me that, the next 7 hours to Singapore? Wondering if I had perhaps been struck by a bus and was rendered dead and therefore unable to transfer funds to his charge card, leaving him stranded in Singapore with no way to get home for my funeral? Were supremely pleasant. (*cough*).

This isn't the first time I have had a memory lapse lately, it's just the most spectacular example -- up there with totally spacing on Toby's 2-year well check-up, which I had scheduled six weeks in advance.

So today I headed back into my trusty neighborhood mental health professional. I had not been in to see Dr. Headshrinker (unfortunately not his real name, because that would be much more entertaining) since about April and, since our insurance required me to check in with him anyway in order to maintain coverage, the timing seemed fortunate.

I explained about the events of the past several months. I talked about getting pregnant, about herniating the disc in my back and resultant sciatica, about the miscarriage, about T's new job and all the travel. I confessed my lapses of memory and my general fuzziness of late. He listened, asked pertinent questions, and generally pointed out that I am entitled to be a little fuzzy after everything that has happened since last Spring.

Then he wrote me a new prescription for ADD meds and said he'd see me back in a week to follow up. He also recommended that, after the next visit, I make an appointment to talk to one of the therapists at the practice. Because talking to a disinterested third party and sorting out the various contents of my skull could be helpful.

I kept thinking that I was handling everything so well. I'm generally feeling pretty good these days -- at peace with where I am at in life, enjoying my tine with the boys. I really miss T when he's not around, and I am probably lacking in the whole social/friends area these days -- but what Mom isn't?! Free time became a precious commodity the day I became a mother, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

Lately, though, I don't do any of the things I have always done for my own enjoyment -- scrapbooking or reading or painting or sketching or even taking pictures. I've been lethargic, anxious, distracted, distant. Not at all the person I want to be.

So, once again, here I am reknitting the threads that have been unraveling. And it's okay - it's really okay. At the moment, I am perfectly fine admitting that I am not the wonderwoman I had convinced myself I was. Now I just have to remember how to be the fun-loving person I really am. And hopefully I can get closer to finding her before T gets back in 2 weeks. It would be really nice to be able to greet him with a wink and a laugh.. instead of a wan smile and a pleading "please take your children before I repeatedly smash my head against something very hard" look.

Actually, I'll probably end up somewhere in between. Because 2 weeks of uninterrupted parenting is exhausting, and already (after 3 days) I am remembering that "Go ask your Dad" are perhaps four of the most glorious words in the English language. Right up there with "Let's order in tonight" and "the kids are asleep".

Getting to the Crux of the Matter....

Me: I just cleaned up this room.... How is it that I clean and I clean, and already the floor is completely covered in toys?

Jack: Mom, that's because we were born.

Finally - Fall.

As we pulled the minivan-of-denial into the preschool parking lot, an unexpected gust of wind shook the trees overhead.

The wind loosed a waterfall of gold and orange leaves, until they tumbled like organic rain from the sky. Leaves falling, leaves falling. I smushed a few soggy stragglers underfoot with my knee-high black quilted boots. The boys giggled and squealed at the leafy cascade from above.

Definitely boot weather. Definitely time for a sigh of relief and a fresh pot of scalding tea. I'm thinking a spicy black tea with just a pinch of sugar. 2 hours of quiet - Jack at preschool, Toby fast asleep. I'm feeling so romantic, I might even finish the laundry.

It has been raining for nearly 3 days here. I hear California is on fire. My back yard, meanwhile, is one giant mud puddle. The rain has been a pattering lullaby at night. The cold is bracing, and the wet is at least evidence of autum. I don't mind the rain -- this weather is invigorating. Refreshing.

I adore boot weather.

Boots, boots, boots for all!

Ask Mel

I am all about searching - searching one's soul, searching for my (frequently) lost car keys, searching for extraterrestrial life.

But here are some searches that have recently led people to my little slice of the interwebs, and my attempt to provide answers to these burning questions.... (Some of them are not actually questions, but in order to make this whole "Dear Abby" thing work, just follow me down this garden path...)

1. all about topless moms doing chores around the house

I am often topless around the house. This is generally because I am a total failure at laundry, and I am scrounging for some item of clothing to wear that mayhaps be free of oatmeal stains, dried kid boogers, or smears of paint. I occasionally do chores around the house. I make it a point never to combine the two. Especially when the chores involve power tools, because drills and nipples should never, ever mix.

2. reasons to stay sane

There are several good reasons TO stay sane. I hear the coffee in the rubber room is awful. Also, a really good season of House and my new favorite show, Journeyman. (Which will probably get canned in the next few weeks, only because I love it so.) There is joy to be found in the daily minutiae, even when that is precisely the thing that threatens the sanity. As for WAYS to stay sane? I find that periodic infusions of sushi work wonders on that front.

3. the dog wait also soothe my own memory of waiting

I don't know what this means, but I find it oddly poetic. Then again, the only soothing thing I have found about having a dog so far is an excuse to exit uncomfortable social situations... "Sorry! Gotta get home and let the dog out, don't ya know..."

4. hercules virus

According to Wikipedia (and my seventh-grade Latin teacher) Hercules is the Roman name for the mythical Greek hero Heracles, son of Zeus and the mortal Alcmena. He was made to perform twelve great tasks to cleanse himself after he went temporarily insane, killing his wife and children and the entire village. He then went mad with rage and slaughtered cows.

I suggest sending the family for an extended vacation, immediately. Also? I'll take a side of beef for the freezer, should you find yourself in the vicinity of any cows.

5. homemade electro stimulator

On second thought, I'm not touching this one.

6. had a baby 2 months ago and i feel dizzy and lightheaded

Strap in, honey, because it's been 4 years and I still feel that way. I hear it improves slightly when they leave for college.

I finally finished sorting through months of uploaded photos and filing them in my freakish and nonsensical system.

The following photo demands to be shared.

Dizzy and lightheaded, indeed.
Welcome to Motherhood.

Also Good with Fish and Chips.

There is an understanding around our house that Daddy and Mommy sometimes slip and use words that are not okay. Jack is quick to point out that we do not say "Stupid" at our house, should his mommy be pointing out that - let's say - some vote in the Senate today was befitting of such a slur. (Which sounds entirely more intellectual than saying I was probably calling the teenagers who stole my zombie pirate from our front yard stupid-heads. Which they are. That pirate zombie was the pride of my Halloween decor. The little punks.) So, yes, let's go with Congress talk option. (Although we do discuss politics quite an awful lot in this house. Also? Religion, popular culture, and World of Warcraft. But I'm off topic now...)

(I have no idea why I am using all these parenthesis. I must be having some sort of episode. Just go with it.)

So we have been making a point to teach and/or attempt to use alternative forms of expletive. Seeing as the boys have become re-enamored of SpongeBob since we started playing "Lights, Camera, Pants!" on the GameCube, it seemed that this was an ideal source of material.

SpongeBob's two favorite expletives are "Tartar Sauce!" and "Fish Paste!".

Kids being kids, something is generally lost in the translation. Which begins to explain why I now find myself attempting to relate to Jack's teacher where he might possibly have come up with his new favorite frustrated exclamation...

"Oh DARNIT SAUCE!"

...

On the up side? We finally got him to stop saying "Damnit!". Mostly.

So given the alternatives, I suppose I am going to have to learn to live with Darnit Sauce.

I wonder if it's tasty on fried cod?

A Mom's Daily Discourse. (Condensed)

Maybe I could save my breath and just make them watch this once a day...

Words and Wisdom.

T and I spent our Friday night embroiled in another of our ongoing grudge matches. The competition was fierce, the smack-talk was furiously flying, and there was no escaping the intensity of the moment.

I speak, of course, of the continuing saga of Scrabble.

Scrabble is one of the few board games I am always willing to play. Due, mostly, to the fact that I read with an appetite most people generally reserve for hard drugs or sex addiction, I have something of a word-oriented brain. Don't ask me to do math beyond basic algebra, but when it comes to words... well, I'm something of an idiot savant. (Notwithstanding all indications to the contrary on the "savant".)

I also seem to have an uncanny knack for pulling good tiles -- as evidenced by the time I opened with Tornado on my first turn. Those just happened to be the first 7 tiles I pulled that day. Fortunately for me, it was on our vacation to Camden, Maine - which means T can never pretend NOT to remember that time that I had him beat ON THE FIRST TURN.

But I'm losing my grip. Somehow, I am slipping.. Because, in Friday night's game? The final score was 154 to 148.

I only just barely won.

At this rate? I'm going to have to actually learn how to properly play Chess. Because, somehow, winning at Candy Land just doesn't bring the same sense of satisfaction.

Also? I might need to find some new pastimes. Perhaps ones which do not scream "BOOKISH NERD!" quite so loudly.

Because nothing says "Lucky To Be Getting Laid" quite like an inability to find anything better to brag about than beating your husband at Scrabble. By six points.

Seven Deadly Sins

The following will prove, beyond doubt, that I am guilty of Greed and Pride. At least, though, I can rest easy knowing that I have inspired others to Envy... Because you must needs envy both the cake and my child.

On Monday he ate through one apple...

Nobody knows it, but you've got a secret smile...

Not necessarily in that order, by the way.

Also, seeing as how the party was nearly a week ago, I think we can count Sloth covered. I have no good excuse for taking so long to get the photos uploaded. I might have been busy watching Chuck on the TiVO.

The fact that we consumed enough of the cake to choke an elephant neatly covers Gluttony.

Birthday Cake Death Match. FIGHT!

Jack had Greed totally covered. The fights over Toby's new loot erupted before the gift wrap hit the floor, and ended with Jack going on a serious time-out in his bedroom - carried by his father, to whom I will assign Wrath. Because there is nothing more fun than watching your kid act like he is being raised by wild wolf-monkeys in front of a houseful of company.

This is what a toddler's face looks like when his brain explodes -
upon realizing that ALL the toys? They are his.

Last, but not least, we come to Lust.


This photo is of our friend Charlie. And it's not what you're thinking, my friends. The man once shoved my face in his stinky armpit after a showerless, 3-day Diablo II gaming marathon, Until I begged for mercy and nearly asphyxiated. So, yeah, Lust is not high on my list of Charlie emotions. (However, sisterly love and a vague sense that he may - at any moment - surprise me with a wedgie? Totally Charlie.) Nor was it his lovely wife who evoked such passion.

Oh no. It was his iPhone.

I touched it. I played with it. I lovingly stroked it and whispered sweet nothings into its electronic earpiece. I might have drooled on it just a little. (which, incidentally, might not be covered by warranty. But should be.) It almost made me want to go back to working full-time -- just so I'd have an excuse to own such an expensive status symbol. And maybe get someone else to pay for it. For a split second it seemed like a good trade.

And then I remembered why I am staying home for the moment. And I let go of the iPhone. (There may have been some prying of fingers and perhaps some tears involved, sure, but my heart was totally in the right place.)

Resistance is futile.

All in all? Two is good. Really, really good.

The Cooling Balm of Autumn

Am I the only one who gets unreasonably disappointed when Fall teases us with a hint of crisp weather - only to hide out again the next day and leave me sweltering in 80 degree heat? I need the brisk air, the chilly wind, to clear my head and get me focused on the holidays ahead. The dog days of summer slowly drag on until the heat and the sunshine that were so welcome in May are suddenly oppressive and exhausting.

I'm ready for brisk afternoons at the park, crunching in the golden leaves, ruddy cheeks and bright eyes as the boys and I run and giggle on the lawn. I'm ready for something good to happen. I'm ready for... SOMETHING.


Sunday morning dawned bright and early, and I was up whisking eggs and putting the finishing touches on Toby's brunch. It was a lovely day with lots of friends and family coming and going and generally just hanging out, which is what we like best of all in a party.

And, of course, the cake. I am inordinately proud of that cake - which we last night finally discarded, as just a few remnants clung to the plate and were only tempting me to put more unnecessary sugar down my gullet. Photos were taken, which I swear I'll post tomorrow. Or perhaps this afternoon, if I can get through the rest of the chores for the day.

And then Monday came and went. And, suddenly, today is Tuesday. And Toby is really two. Yesterday was his birthday, and today he woke up just two.

I have this odd sense of loss. When Jack reached this milestone we had just returned from a visit to the family in Utah. I was six months pregnant and decorating the nursery for Toby's arrival. I was bustling, preparing for the baby to arrive and soaking up every available minute of alone time with Jack. We watched Signing Time over and over and he knew so many signs I could hardly keep up with him. I would have been six months pregnant now if we hadn't lost the pregnancy in June.

Now. Now we are just busy. Busy with preschool, busy with home repairs and plans for the distant future. Debating on trips to take that we really can't afford, and beginning to ponder plans for Christmas. Caught in the perpetual limbo which always seems to feel worse at the end of the long seasons - waiting for winter to melt into spring, waiting for summer to break into fall.

My baby is two, and my four-year-old is learning to back-sass me with style. I am both incredibly proud and horrendously dumbstruck. How to handle these developments?? Welcome to parenthood, I suppose...

As my brain continues to bake in this strange heat, and my stomach churns with indecision over thoughts having another baby - now? soon? later? - I can only dream and plan and try to be present. "Present". It's a word that was bandied about quite a lot in my therapy. Maybe it's time for more therapy? I seem to float in the present and live half in the past, half in the future some days. Maybe too many days.

Maybe it's just about damn time for Summer to bid us adieu and let the cooling balm of Autumn soothe my blistered spirit. Carving pumpkins, cooking turkeys. Corn mazes and apple cider. The sweet smell of nature's decay - that reminder that the season ends to make preparations for the eventual spring after the coming winter.

I am ready.

Why Thank You.

New Acquaintance:"Are you a hairdresser?"

Me: "... No... why?"

N.A. :"Because you have truly awesome hair."

Funny Hats. Unexpected Parades.

Every year since 2000, T and I have gone to the Maryland Renaissance Festival. Last year, though, we had to miss it - for a variety of reasons.

So it was that we headed up to Annapolis-land on Saturday - there to meet up with our friends Matt and Sara and their two daughters. The eight of us (EIGHT! With FOUR kids! The mind boggles!) spent an entirely pleasurably day wandering Revel Grove, eating and drinking to our fill, shopping at the vendors, and listening to the comedy show.

Where does a Peg-Legged pirate eat breakfast?

...

Wait for it...

...

IHOP!

I know, pure genius, right? Okay, so it was all much funnier at the time, and that happens to be the only joke I can remember because - as we have long-established around here - I have the attention span and short-term memory of a ferret on methamphetamines and a caffeine IV drip.

Anyway, the hilights of the experience for Jack were 1) riding on a REAL! LIVE! PONY! and 2) holding hands and generally being adorable as all-get-out with his new BFF Miah. In hats.

Ah. Young Love.


I was dying of heat stroke, but I still smiled pretty for the camera.

We spent the night at a lovely hotel and spent Sunday (after a morning workout at the nearby gym - Nike+ data to follow when I get around to uploading) wandering the inner harbor. We checked out the USS Torsk, which Sara's dad served on after he returned from Vietnam. It is definitely not a choice experience for anyone with claustrophobia, and just thinking about soldiers spending any amount of time on that tin can makes me shudder. It was cool, though, and the boys - of course - ate it up.

Intrepid explorers, all. On top of the submarine.

Then we wandered around and attempted to find a restaurant that wasn't packed to the gills. This was, of course, before we remembered that the Patriots game was on, and EVERY restaurant and/or sports bar and grille (of which there is no shortage in the inner harbor) was packed to the gills.

Then there came the unexpected parade, in honor of Columbus Day weekend. The kids were delighted with marching bands, antique cars and firetrucks, Miss Maryland, and lots of free candy thrown from the passing parade-marchers.

Free candy + vintage firetrucks = Little Boy Heaven

We finally settled at the outdoor deck for ESPN Zone and meandered through the afternoon with food and drinks and conversation. All of which would have been much more enjoyable without the HEAT WAVE rolling through the eastern seaboard, but - hey - we can't have everything.

All in all, a fantastic weekend and the closest thing to a vacation we managed to get this year. Not too shabby, I'd say. Also? Still totally adore the Ren Fest. Also, also? Still not dressing up in period costume. My jeans do quite nicely for me, thank you. Although, next year? Next year I believe I will skip the sandals and wear the sneakers. The grunge gets a bit thick otherwise...

I am a dirty, dirty girl. Also? Desperately need pedicure.

Pardon the Interruption...

(Singapore.)

Howdy.

I have stolen the remote control. The transmission has been hijacked to great pain for all those who are now reading this. With brief inspiration borne from 3 beers, a dark room and an odd series of boring moments I am compelled to share my latest adventure. That and I am able to bore the most people with the least amount of effort. A burden it is explaining two weeks halfway around the world when you know no one cares. To overcome the deadness in their eyes I focus on their forehead and soldier on. Here. None of that. Liberation.

As M referenced, I was in Singapore for a couple weeks. I went for work. I do a job that is mostly meaningless and even more boring to hear about so I won't begin to detail that part of the trip. So onto the fun things.

I live in wild and wonderful, which is near DC. This is a great place. This is also very far from my chosen destination. 26 hours far. Do you know what you can do in 26 hours? You can watch almost 13 movies. You can listen to Dark Side of the Moon about 28 times. You can even, possibly, come up with the answer to life (42!). This is a long time. I do not sleep on planes. I would rather be acutely aware of my upcoming death than be shocked out of a delicious dream by the sound of the plane splitting in two. So I watched the same movies, all 8 of them, twice. I still had more time to kill - so I peed and then watched year old episodes of Desperate Housewives.

I had a lay over in Tokyo. This is me in Tokyo eating sushi.


Riveted yet? We're not even in Singapore yet. Just wait.

Singapore is a city created on a little speck of dirt that is off the coast of Malaysia. It used to be part of Malaysia. Singapore quit the federation, Malaysia says they kicked them out. Singapore calls the space between the island and the Asian mainland a causeway. Malaysia calls it the ocean. This is important. I'll tell you why later. Suspense.


I stayed in a part of town called Bugis. It's nice. It's downtown. Near China Town, Little India and Arab Street. I was a block away from the SMRT (Singapore Mass Rail Transit!). Making my travel very easy. You buy tickets and when you return the ticket you get a 1 singapore dollar back as a return deposit. So most travel is around 1 - 2 Sing Dollars.

Singapore was established by Mr. Raffles. A British guy from the old Imperial days but after the founding of the United States of America. This is notable because Singapore is very young. Even old things are not old. This is OK. Old things are great. So are young things. In many ways....

China town is pretty. Go here for a good deal on silk, junk and good dim sum. Dim Sum is a southern Chinese cooking style. Its like a bunch of appetizers. Very good. You better like it. It will be your breakfast for your time here. Or. It won't so you'll be eat Kafa Bread and soft boiled eggs. Don't.

About 50% of the country is comprised of multi-generational Chinese. The other ethnicities are Indian and Malay. There are four official languages. Chinese, English, Malay and Hindi. Everything is in English however. If not English, then Chinese. Not as helpful. Everyone speaks broken English. I was with a Chinese national. That was very helpful. Language, this way, was never a problem.

(notice the transport ships...)

So outside of eating and drinking I also went to an island. It was renamed to Sentosa Island in the 70s. Why renamed? Because Singapore wanted to turn it and the fort on it into a marketing and tourist destination.

(AHHHH CRABS.)

Cause it wouldn't be Singapore if it could not be sold, marketed or turned into a mall. These are the cool island pictures. With an aquarium and this odd statue called the Merlion. It's their national symbol now. The statue actually is just a wire frame with concrete. An elevator goes to the top for 10 Sing dollars. Totally marketed. Total claptrap. I loved every minute of it.

(merlion. National Symbol. Marketing Tool.)

Oh. The reason why causeways v. oceans are important. Its because the most southern point of Sentosa is called the "MOST SOUTHERN POINT IN ASIA!". Amazing. Remarkable. So remarkable I did NOT take a picture of the sign pointing this out nor did I actually even go there. It was 5 minutes out of the way. That was determined to be a hassle. Why. Because there is another sign. Somewhere in some touristy location in Malaysia saying the SAME thing. Why. Because they think there is OCEAN between them and Singapore. Not a causeway. Therefore, Singapore is not part of the Asian continent but some random island in the sea. Compelling and totally childish. For this, I hate countries.

(I would be FACING the most southern point...)

See. Singapore is on overdrive. Nothing is sacred. They turned a monastery/church into a mall. For true. Not just any church but one of the oldest, largest and most beautiful ones on the island. That's OK though. That is how they roll. Bless'em for having no economic morality.

I also ate a whole bunch. Not a shocker. I took pictures of my food. These will go to the other blog. Which I may or may not post to. I've stolen the crap out of this one. Rambled. Completely ruined any sense of intelligence M may have tricked everyone into thinking I had. It halloween. Time for the masks to come off.

(cheers!)

Enjoy the photos. If you made it this far, WOW.

I promise not to trouble you again.

-t.

The Most Important Meal of the Day

A hearty THANK YOU for all the suggestions on Toby's birthday, Internets! My cup runneth over. (Seriously. I had no idea that the number of people who sent emails and/or comments actually READ this bloggety insanity that is my little corner of the interwebs.) And none of you were even my Mom, which totally gives me more street cred.

We finally decided to round up some family and a few friends and force them to get up early on a Sunday and head their happy hineys out to the hills to join us here for a celebratory brunch.

I have never been able to comfortably eat breakfast when I wake up -- my body requires a few hours to decompress from sleep before food can sound appealing. On weekends, I make an exception because I will eat with Big Daddy T eats, but the rest of the week? The kids eat breakfast while I coffee and toast, and then I'll snack on something around 10.

So Brunch is actually the perfect meal for me.... providing a way for me to eat breakfast foods (which are my favorite and my best) (<-- Charlie & Lola reference. Because I also have street cred with the kiddies.) at the time of day when my stomach is ready to, you know.. digest food.

SO we're having a Birthday Brunch for Toby. I'm already busily compiling lists of easily-constructed brunch dishes to feed a large group with minimal effort and mess. My personal favorite is my own breakfast version of pigs in a blanket -- substitute sausage links for hot dogs. SEE! The possibilities? They will blow your mind. Fruit salad! My specialty blueberry crepes with sweetened-sour-cream sauce.

Oh, and I'm thinking... pumpkin-muffin-bread with cream cheese frosting for the birthday cake. Probably in the shape of The Very Hungry Caterpillar, since it involves cutting a bundt cake in half and repositioning the half-circles to make a squiggle shape. Did I mention I'm taking the easy route here?

And? AND! The grown-ups can join us in toasting The Baby's birthday with Mimosas. Because, as Mom always said, one should at least start the day with a little OJ. For the vitamins and minerals, of course.

Things That Rock My Wednesday

- First session of physical therapy. The electro-current-stimulator-thingie (that's the technical term, by the way) that feels like a massage and dulls the pain from a herniated and/or ruptured lumbar disc. That was so worth fighting rush hour traffic and nearly throwing up from anxiety. I now totally have a girl-crush on my physical therapist, especially after promised to work on my back more on Friday morning.

- Good conversations with sisters. I used up all of my prepaid cell minutes today, chatting with Shanna-Banana and Her Ladyship Cynthia. Both awesome women and great for good conversation. I should call them more often.

- Finding my Martha Stewart magazine from last year, full of good ideas for homemade Christmas gifts. I might actually get on top of that this year in time to make gifts for a few people. The only down side is the number of gift ideas in it that I can't actually use; I don't think I know anyone who wants a pom-pom ladybug for Christmas, and I can only knit so many hats between now and December. On the plus side? There are recipes for truffles. Which will probably end up as my gift to myself. Bonus!

- Realizing that the week is half over, and I get to spend the weekend at the Maryland Rennaissance Festival. Yep, I'm totally into Renn Fest. No, I don't wear a costume. But I might have to get hats for the boys to wear, as they are still young enough for me to turn them into Renn Folke without protest. By next year, I have a feeling Jack will have finally figured out how embarrassing I really am. The clock is ticking, y'all. They grow up so fast.

- The only thing that DID NOT rock my Wednesday? Realizing that Toby's second birthday is less than 2 weeks away and I have made exactly ZERO preparations for the event. Ideas anyone? I considered a follow-up Chuck E Cheese outing, which is what we did for Jack's birthday, but then I realized that this was convenient for... well, nobody but my Mother-in-law, as my brother and his family have moved to Rome and were the only ones who lived near CEC. I'm still toying with cooking up a big pot'o Gumbo and sending out a "doors are open" invitation to everyone who might want to see our little nugget turn 2.

For the record, I am not to be numbered among those who are interested in seeing this milestone. I get really odd looks when I say something about "The Baby" and then people ask how old he is and find that he is nearly 2. Apparently this disqualifies him as "a baby" in some eyes, but don't try to tell me that BECAUSE I WILL CUT YOU. He is a baby as long as I say he is - and as I am the one who pushed all nine and a half pounds of him out into this world, if I choose to call him "The Baby" I am entitled to do so. And I say that with nothing but love in my peace-love-and-flowers-filled soul.

So! Any ideas on how to celebrate The Baby's second birthday? Preferably ones that involve very little effort on my part.... Because, as you may have noticed, I am a tad less than enthusiastic at this prospect.

That face? That is the baby face.

Nap. Desperately Need.

For one reason or another, y'all, I am tired. I mean bone weary, fall asleep at 10 and sleep until 10 on a weekend, where is my coffee because SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE IF I DON'T HAVE IT RIGHT NOW tired.

This morning was a flurry of driving to's. To the pediatrician's office (15 miles away) to help them combine 2 different sets of medical records in order to have a current immunizations record for Jack. To the gas station to put air (again) in my back right tire, which appears to have a slow leak, and grab cheese and croissants for the kids for "lunch". To the preschool to have both kids photographed and digitally fingerprinted for emergency records. Finally, to home, where it was too late to put Toby down for a nap - which explains why he is now running, pantless, through the living room and screaming like a rabid chimpanzee.

My brilliant plan for this afternoon involves picking Jack up from school, putting gas in my van (which is running on the gasping vapors that are left when even most of the fumes have been burned up), feeding my child something more substantial than cheddar and pastry, and maybe decorating the front yard for Halloween. If there happens to be an extra corpse in the yard when I'm done? Don't worry, it's only me -- passed out like a wino in the unmowed grass.

Tomorrow is my first day of physical therapy. I'm supposed to get rehabilitated for the herniated or ruptured disc in my back, but all I heard was "massage" and I was sold. Mama could use a few thousand of those.

Big Daddy came home on Thursday, to much fanfare. We celebrated with Mexican food at Anita's Restaurant, which was lovely. And also, reminds me of an OverShare I've been meaning to do....

So a few months ago, I was offered a free two-month supply of a new product called "Align" for treating IBS. I asked if there was any sort of catch to the deal, and the nice marketing rep assured me that there was no catch -- but they would appreciate an honest review of the product. After the time I have spent in the doctor's office trying to figure out if there was anything that could be done to help my digestive issues (See? I did warn you about the OverShare) I figured it couldn't hurt. Also, the suggestions of my gastroenterologist all involved things like "Reduce your stress" and "give up caffeine and spicy food" and really, you may as well just start digging now.

So I got the package of little white pills in the mail, I read all the literature, and I decided to give Align a try. (I'm sure there's supposed to be little (TM)'s around that, but I'm far too tired right now to use up the brain power of trying to figure that out, so let's just remind everyone that's a trademarked name. kthxbye.)

With the miscarriage earlier this year, I got a little delayed in testing it out. Once I recovered, though, and got started... I have to say I am impressed. Basically, it's probiotics in pill form. Which means that it's a lovely alternative to choking down 3 or 4 containers of yogurt every day. Especially if, like me, you aren't really a big fan of yogurt. Unless it's frozen and made of chocolate, in which case I make a special exception, but... I digress.

Align worked like quite the charm, and with the back problems and general insanity of attempting to tread water in the deep end of motherhood and housewifery... well, at least it made me regular. Please note that I received no compensation, etc, for that thoroughly articulated and glowing review. I just said I'd give my honest opinion and, once it's available to buy (which I don't believe it is quite yet) I highly recommend Align and will probably buy it regularly. Pun? Totally intended.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go tempt fate with a cup of coffee and some more driving. While I ponder when, exactly, it was that I morphed into an 80-year-old woman.

Happy Tuesday!