Otherwise known as "Once Again Bucking For Mother Of The Year".
The montage before my acceptance speech must include the following scenes from the recent past:
- Jack drinking Diet Pepsi. Out of a souvenir shot glass. From "Dirty Dick's Crabhouse" on the Outer Banks.
- T, in response to my complaint about the spyware choking my laptop, casually shrugging it off with a "Sure. From all that porn you've been downloading."
***Aside to my mother, in anticipation of her mini-stroke: Don't worry, he was kidding. Obviously. I mean, everyone knows I download all my porn to his computer.
- Toby taking a bite of buttered toast. Then holding it down next to his high chair so Gizmo - the eater of dirty diapers and other unspeakable horrors - could have a bite. Then continuing to eat the same toast.
- Jack. Sitting at his desk. Playing a Reader Rabbit game on his computer. At 6am. Stark Naked.
- Me at the grocery store. Purchasing condensed chicken noodle soup for my sick husband. In an extra long, comfy black sweater... and pajama pants. With fuzzy pink bedroom slippers. At 11 o'clock in the morning.
And if that doesn't make you think I should totally teach parenting classes at the YMCA, you have not tasted my Sunday morning blueberry crepes. They may even be worthy of redemption from the whole dog-slobber-toast thing.... well, nearly anyway.
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