We had the chance to see the folks tonight at my brother's place before they head out tomorrow morning to return home. It was strange, to pull away in the trusty family car and wave goodbye. I was instantly transported back to the day they drove away in the family minivan, waving goodbye to me as they left me at BYU for my freshman year.
In so many ways, that time seems longer ago even than my memories of High School. It's like that time at BYU exists in my memory outside of time.. "the long day's journey into night" if you will. It was a dark time for me, one of loneliness and confusion... but at the same time, it was the beginning of everything else. It was the catalyst that changed my life, opened doors, and eventually led to the freedom to really find myself.
The regret and wistfulness I felt today as we headed down the road towards home was of a totally different sort than that first day in Provo, though. It gave me pause, to realize the distance I have traveled, and just how far I have come from the broken spirit I once was.
Rather than being a lost and frightened girl, unsure of myself and aching for the comfort of the familiar, I felt only a tugging longing for more time... time enough to really get to know my parents and let them get to know me- my children, my life - the woman I am now.
The woman I am now. Deeply flawed, often misguided, sometimes petty and selfish... but also so much stronger, more confident, and infinitely more honest and open to the wonders of the world around me. Steady in a way that skiddish girl never was. Content in a way I never could have imagined possible. Blessed. Infinitely blessed. At peace. Finally, at peace.
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