You may remember that several weeks ago I had a cold. A bad one. It got worse before it got better...before getting worse again.
As of today, I am coughing up things that look like small parts of an alien race. I've decided that an extra-terrestrial must have formed its egg sac in my chest. The little baby aliens are now in their larval stage and working their way up my bronchial tubes. Eventually, a slimy green alien will emerge, full-grown, from my gorge and say something to the effect of "we come to destroy your race and harvest your spleens, which are a delicacy in our culture - best enjoyed with a spicy Pinot Noir and fried potatoes."
This theory gives me something to ponder while I lay awake at night with the coughing. It also helps distract me from the vague impulse to perhaps go to the doctor and be cured of the new species now incubating in my chest cavity.
I'm wondering, as I sip the delectable tea I'm sharing on AlternaMom today, what lengths others have gone to in convincing themselves to put off going to the doctor. Tea is my favorite home remedy, but I've also been known to load up on chicken soup, coffee and, in extreme cases, Krispy Kreme Donuts.
Because the calories totally don't count if they're medicinal.
I recognize this tendency may be genetic. My 67-year-old father mentioned, during his recent visit (and while eating his nightly bowl of ice cream), that he hasn't been to a doctor in over a decade. I could only stare at him in amazement, silently pondering the likely size of the man's prostate. Which, considering he is my father, is really going to give me something new to discuss in therapy.
2 comments:
If you remember, there was that one Christmas break when we were in high school when you came to visit me for a week or so. I had a chest cold, which I nursed only with Mt. Dew. (I truly believe it to be the staff of life). We were up all night pretty much every night you were there (also helped out by the Mt. Dew) and the day after you left I was so sick and weak that my mom took me to the doctor, and I had pneumonia!
Oh Lordy. Mountain Dew. The Devil's Piss, that beverage. I remember that well. Weren't we up late working on some Holiday Algebra Homework? Remember when your brother confiscated my Diet Dr. Pepper? That was fun. :)
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