Fare Thee Well.

We had a fantastic weekend with my big sis and her family. I'm sure I'll have more to say about it all later, but right now I am exhausted. I miss my sister; it was hard to say goodbye. She and I bond so easily. We laugh at each others' jokes. We slap each others' behinds. We adore each others' kids. We shopped together for 9 hours and could have kept going for 9 more.

The five-hour drive home, after an emotional farewell, gave me some time to begin to process my headspace. There were too many thoughts in my head. There are still too many.

When I woke up this morning, my sister gave me the news that my Grandmother passed away last night.

She passed peacefully. She was ready to go. She lived a long, full life and she was anxious to follow after her husband. My grandfather passed away a few years ago after a long battle with Alzheimer's Disease, and she hadn't really enjoyed living since his death - really, not since he left the home they had shared for so many years to enter a full-time Alzheimer's care facility.

I had not seen her or talked to her since our visit when I was pregnant with Toby. Today, though, I am acutely aware of her absence in this world. She was ready to go, but I don't think we're ever really ready for our grandparents to leave us.

Five hours was not enough; I need more time to process. But I am okay; I will be okay.

I am reminded how valuable life is. How precious and fleeting. How much I want to hold on to it - hold on to this husband of mine and these little boys we have made. Hold on to this life we have built together, and the things we want for ourselves and the kids.

The funeral is Tuesday. I won't be able to go. I'll be here - remembering my Grandma. Remembering quiet afternoons at her condo in Salt Lake City. Remembering Grandpa and the way he always mixed all the dry cereal together so you had kix and cheerios and rice crispies and everything else all in one. Remembering Grandma, and the way she always had the college basketball and football games on the radio. You never would have guessed that quiet, gentle, intensely spiritual woman had such an enduring love for her college sports.

Grandpa and Grandma - around the time of their wedding - 1941

Visiting with Grandma, July 2005. I was 6 months pregnant with Tobin.

Grandma and Grandpa - LDS Mission - Riding the London Underground
(Sometime in the 1980's).

This is how I will always remember them. Last week, before we left for Ohio, I ordered a 5x7 print of this photo to hang on our wall. Now, it seems like serendipity. Hanging it will be my act of remembrance - my own, personal eulogy to my grandparents. I love them. I miss them.